Welcome to Double Standard. Our mission is to unveil the secrets of the universe, the mysteries of the sexes.
We feel there are 2 sides to the story and sometimes it really is a double standard. For instance, a man is considered confident if he stands up for a cause yet a woman is seen as bitchy.
Join us as we explore the world of he says she says.
Let's jump right into it then.
Let's talk about adultery. We could talk about cheating, but let's face it adultery is more sultry. Whose idea was it to put the Scarlet Letter on a woman? Obviously a man. But after all these years is there no equivalent for a man. In 18th Century America, people were flogged or whipped publicly for acts of adultery. Women were almost always treated more severely than men. Today isn't much different. Women wear a symbolic A and are flogged with gossip as opposed to a rod. In European countries it is accepted, if not expected for a man to cheat.
These days, we are on a more equal playing field. Women are CEO's of companies, men are stay-at-home dads. So what about cheating?
Historically, a spurned spouse would benefit financially and custodially in the court system if a divorce resulted. Now with the no-fault divorce laws, there is no benefit at all.
Given this, is adultery a marriage deal breaker? What if you found your spouse was cheating? Would you suck it up or kick them to the curb? We want to hear from both of you - that means LADIES and MEN. Leave us a comment with your opinion and we will have the results in our next blog.
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10 comments:
While "sucking it up" may be too generous – I wouldn't consider adultery a deal breaker… Linda on the other hand would probably send me to the curb ;-)
T
Interesting topic in light of the Tiger Woods / Jesse James scandals. Those spotlight grabbers have made me wonder just when we will uncover a woman who has been doing the same thing.
That's an interesting question. When you're dating someone, it's easy to kick someone to the curb if they cheat. When you're married, there's this legal vow that's taken and most women would stay to work it through (and most men - I believe). I think people in general can be quick to just say "KICK HIM/HER" to the curb but when you factor in all the other elements like why, with who, what triggered it, bad patch in the relationship, moment of weakness, weighing out the options on why you're WITH this person in the first place, it's not such a black and white position.
I read the post and immediately thought to myself "kick him to the curb" but then thought about what if it was ME who messed up and truly regretted it. I would want forgiveness but wouldn't expect it. People have different levels of tolerances and what they can/cannot live with.
I'm sitting on the fence. If a guy I was dating had a stack of cons building up on him that outweighed his pros - he's gone. But if true love was a factor - I'd have to really sit and think about what my next move would be.
Definitely depends on the situation. There's the act of cheating itself, but all the surrounding factors shouldn't be ignored. The other post here by 'shewhoevokes' is spot-on, and there would be many questions that should be asked. Is it an otherwise solid marriage? Is it a pattern? Is there remorse? Was it because of a specific reason that can be addressed? Sure would be a shame to end a relationship when it could be fixed instead.
P.S. Great blog!
Men are physical - Women are emotional.
Men can emotionally detach themselves from an affair while Women become emotionally involved and detach themselves physically from their spouse. So which is worse?
There should be not double standard here.
They are the same.
I used to think it was all or nothing. You stay faithful, you are together. You cheat, you are out on the curb. The older I get, the less I see this as a black and white issue. I don't wish it on anyone but I have had enough friends go through this that I think it can be either a deal breaker or an opportunity to fix what needs fixing and make your relationship stronger...if the will is there and both sides are willing to put in the work, which unfortunatley, I don't think is often the case.
Times have changed and women are more empowered than ever, thanks to the media and women's lib. I think that views are shifting and women who cheat are looked upon just as badly as men.
Cheaters don't seem to think about the effects their actions have on their friends and family. I have known so many cheaters and it seems to be much more commonplace than we realize. People live these secret lives, hidden away in a little compartment, and from their true day to day. It's almost like they need a release, or some excitement because they are so bored with their common reality.
Then there are the bold ones, who expect their friends and family to just "get over it" when they "come out" because it's his or her life. They expect you not to judge because you are not in their shoes. How can you not when you see someone left with 4 kids, 2 mortgages, family dog, while their spouse runs off to the cottage with "the other one". People who bail on their relationships do so because they either have a personality that is not one that belongs in a committed realtionship (narcissistic) or they just stop trying and find another outlet. In anything in life: the ones who succeed are the ones who keep trying when others quit.
I would look down at a woman or man just the same.
Maybe the tradition view that women cheating is worse because of the risk of pregnancy. The man can just take off. It happens everyday...sad, but true.
I agree with much of what the previous post said - however I do think that women who cheat are viewed differently than men. Men are the anti-Christ - women are liberated.
Cool idea - now what?
Gail McIntyre said men's emotional quotient is half of what a woman's is. And we, women, talk twice what men talk. But I don't mean to take anything away from men, because they definitely have their redeeming qualities.
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