D is for Divorce

Who would have thought we would cause such heated discussion over a little topic like Chivalry vs Chauvinism?  We were surprised by how many comments we received and how passionate some of the comments were.  Interestingly enough, most of these comments came from men.  We may have touched a nerve here!  It isn't so surprising considering the rocky waters men have to wade through these days.  Women have forged paths and have come such a long way in recent years.  Women are emerging more or less as equals, holding high powered jobs, competing in sports and are generally considered to be strong and independent.  In our journey to get here, however, our male counterparts have been left standing confused as to how to deal with us.  Do they still play the gentleman and open a door (even if we are clearly able and willing to do this ourselves)?  Or do they defer to us and "check" their chivalrous nature?  It can be a sticky situation for a guy who is looking to impress a woman or is simply just trying to be chivalrous.  This is really a double standard because while women do want to be seen as strong, competent and independent we still really appreciate when we are treated like ladies.  Old habits and traditions are hard to break.  There is no shortage of opinion on this one but I think we can all agree that manners never are out of style and are too seldom used these days.  The general consensus is that men can respect women and recognize them for their strengths and values, while at the the same time not be afraid to hold open a door or offer to pay the cheque.  Just don't be surprised or offended if we reach for the door or cheque first!

D is for Divorce
How many of have ever woken up in the morning and wondered how did you ever end up with that person sleeping beside you?  Hmmmm...is that all? Ok let's all be honest here...how many of you?  Now that's more like it!
Divorce, there is no easy introduction to this topic.  We are all watching our friends and colleagues drop like flies.  Why do they do it?  Why don't we do it?  What drives some to the divorce courts while others battle their inner demons and stay in a relationship?  Is it for the kids?  Is it to keep their dream home?  Is it to stay afloat financially?  Or is it because of the slightest chance that we may fall back in love with our significant other?

Here is a question for you.  Do you think it is better to stay in a love-less marriage to keep the family unit intact, for the benefit of the kids?  We want your answer, your honest answer, and as always your comments.   Scroll down to leave a comment and take our poll.

C is for Chivalry (or is it Chauvinism?)

Well there is talk that chivalry is dead but does it have to go so far the other way?


I was appalled, no stunned, by what happened to me on the boardwalk the other day. I was chatting with two female friends at the very edge of where the boardwalk meets the sand. From behind I was literally body-checked! I was body-checked with enough force that it caused me to stumble. At first I thought it was one of my bratty male friends. It took several minutes for it to register that it was a man and his wife who had apparently taken offence that I was “in their way” on the boardwalk. Now, that is ludicrous since I was on the very edge of the boardwalk, the smallest of the 3 women standing there and with my back to him. A very cowardly move I would say. What is almost more shocking is that this behaviour was condoned by his wife.

Our friend decided to confront him as she came upon him sitting on a bench with his wife further down the boardwalk. She asked“Why did you push my friend? Did you see the size of her” His response was “Well, she was in my way!” What would cause a man to behave this way? Are social graces so lax these days because the lines are so blurred? Chivarly, which was such a noble trait, has now been misconstrued as chauvinism. A man must be so confused as to how to act. Does he open the door for a woman? Does he offer her a seat on the bus? Is he to pay the cheque on a dinner date?

I know women are now much more empowered both in the workforce and at home but does that mean a man can’t show any sense of chivalry? With the feminist movement is the act of a man opening the door chauvinistic or is it just plain chivalrous? Where do we draw the line? How is a man supposed to know how to act and what women want?

As always weigh in on our poll below and leave us a comment with your thoughts.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/valentines-day/dont-sweat-it-guys-chivalry-aint-chauvinism/article1456865/

Wrapping up B so we can move on to C

Physical traits, both good and bad, can fade with time, it is what is inside that shines through to make a person beautiful. I had a friend that had most of his face burnt as a result of an explosion in a gem mine. He was a dashing, charming and very interesting man. We became fast friends and we would often meet up in a group at restaurants and night clubs in the city. At a particular club we would frequent, that where all the “beautiful” people hung out, I greeted this man with a kiss on both of his cheeks. I heard a woman gasp and exclaim “did you see that woman kiss that man with the burnt face?!” I didn’t register at first that she was speaking about me as I no longer saw my friend as the man with the burnt face rather the beautiful person he was.

So the question is….Is beauty really skin deep? Or are we all shallow? I think if we are honest we have to agree that looks play a big role in noticing someone. It is the first impression we get, that can make you look twice. But after that first initial look how much does body image play a role in our attraction to each other? For some it is a large part and for others not so much. Generally the feed back we got is that sexy is all about attitude and not about the ideal figure. Many so-called flaws can be overlooked if the person is confident and knows how to carry it. Junk in the trunk is a turn on for most men if the woman knows how to drive the car.

So, you have to wonder who we are doing the body makeover for. Is it for ourselves or is it mainly for the approval of others? Does it make any difference? The media plays such a huge role in shaping our ideal image of what makes a body beautiful. Based upon what is portrayed in magazines and advertisements, only 5% of the entire population of women could ever hope to achieve that “perfect” body. So if it is so unattainable to most of us why do we keep craving it so badly? The answer may be simply in our overexposure to these images. Girls nowadays see more images of beauty in one day than our mothers did in their entire adolescence. These images become our norm and force us to think we can achieve their ideal?

Plastic surgery has increased hugely in the past 10 years. Breast augmentation has almost tripled in occurrence and men’s surgical procedures have increased dramatically. Again begs the question…who are we doing this for? Do men really like fake vs. natural? Or will any boob do? Most men when questioned said as long as the woman can work it behind closed doors it doesn’t matter if they have been surgically enhanced. Big, small, fake or natural. It’s all good as long as they can get a piece of it!!

When women were asked if size matters (and we aren’t talking height here) they responded much the same…It’s not the size of the wand but the magic you can work with it.

So, we feel we ripped you off by not giving you a poll for B is for Body Image so here it is… this is for both men and women.….scroll down....way down...

Wrapping up B so we can go on to C

Physical traits, both good and bad, can fade with time, it is what is inside that shines through to make a person beautiful. I had a friend that had most of his face burnt as a result of an explosion in a gem mine. He was a dashing, charming and very interesting man. We became fast friends and we would often meet up in a group at restaurants and night clubs in the city. At a particular club we would frequent, that where all the “beautiful” people hung out, I greeted this man with a kiss on both of his cheeks. I heard a woman gasp and exclaim “did you see that woman kiss that man with the burnt face?!” I didn’t register at first that she was speaking about me as I no longer saw my friend as the man with the burnt face rather the beautiful person he was.




So the question is….Is beauty really skin deep? Or are we all shallow? I think if we are honest we have to agree that looks play a big role in noticing someone. It is the first impression we get, that can make you look twice. But after that first initial look how much does body image play a role in our attraction to each other? For some it is a large part and for others not so much. Generally the feed back we got is that sexy is all about attitude and not about the ideal figure. Many so-called flaws can be overlooked if the person is confident and knows how to carry it. Junk in the trunk is a turn on for most men if the woman knows how to drive the car.





So, you have to wonder who we are doing the body makeover for. Is it for ourselves or is it mainly for the approval of others? Does it make any difference? The media plays such a huge role in shaping our ideal image of what makes a body beautiful. Based upon what is portrayed in magazines and advertisements, only 5% of the entire population of women could ever hope to achieve that “perfect” body. So if it is so unattainable to most of us why do we keep craving it so badly? The answer may be simply in our overexposure to these images. Girls nowadays see more images of beauty in one day than our mothers did in their entire adolescence. These images become our norm and force us to think we can achieve their ideal?





Plastic surgery has increased hugely in the past 10 years. Breast augmentation has almost tripled in occurrence and men’s surgical procedures have increased dramatically. Again begs the question…who are we doing this for? Do men really like fake vs. natural? Or will any boob do? Most men when questioned said as long as the woman can work it behind closed doors it doesn’t matter if they have been surgically enhanced. Big, small, fake or natural. It’s all good as long as they can get a piece of it!!



When women were asked if size matters (and we aren’t talking height here) they responded much the same…It’s not the size of the wand but the magic you can work with it.



So, we feel we ripped you off by not giving you a poll for B is for Body Image so here it is… this is for both men and women.….

B is for Body Image

How you perceive yourself is often how others perceive you. Case in point “Banana Hammock Man,” as my 10 yr old son so eloquently refers to him.


For those of you who live in the Beach and actually GO to the beach, you may have seen him. He wears a different colour thong (yes, THONG) every time we have seen him.

Last summer was our first “sighting”. We saw him on two consecutive days. The first day it was neon orange and the second, neon green. He seemed pretty proud of himself as he strutted, adjusted and admired himself. He would often glance over at me, and any other female on the beach, to see if we were in fact noticing (or oogling) him.

Yesterday was the first real beach day of the year. There were hundreds on the beach. Amidst those hundreds, my son zoned in on “Banana Hammock Man”. This time the thong was neon blue. I can only hazard a guess as to how many are actually in his closet. This year he really is working it. He was wandering from blanket to blanket, where groups of pretty women were sitting, offering his “cheek” to be photographed. He really, in my opinion, is not “thong worthy” but he certainly flaunts it well and, because he does, he had the attention of several groups of giggling women patiently awaiting their turn for his visit to their blanket.

To those women, their Adonis had arrived.

B is for Body Image

The poll is closed and we have some very interesting responses.  Not too black and white after all.  Not all the "yes" that adultery is a deal breaker came from the women. Not all the "no's" either.  The majority said it depends.  Some of the women polled said it depended if it was only for sex.  That would not be a deal breaker.  Others said it depended if children were involved.  Some women stated that if the relationship was relatively new then "yes", if it occurred within a seasoned relationship then "no".

One man stated that once the trust is gone so is the relationship.  He was the "cheatee" rather than the cheater.  He said he tried to make it work, keep the family unit intact, but he couldn't get past the fact the trust in the relationship was lost forever.

Another man who answered "depends" said there are worse things that can happen than cheating on your spouse - forgive and move on.  However, he stated, if it involved deeper emotions he would walk away not wanting to stand in the way.

50 years ago a cross cultural study was done and less than 39% of societies approved of infidelity in any form.  It seems as though men's extra-marital affairs are condoned more than women's because of the perception that women are men's sexual possession.

In Mediterranean cultures men are identified by their relationships to women.  An adulterous spouse would cause great shame to the male.  It seems as though a woman's response to infidelity is determined by personal and social contexts whereas a man's is generally universal.

Both sexes regard infidelity with the same amount of disdain, it is how they react to it that may differ.  Studies show that women try to resolve these issues privately.  Her reaction to infidelity depends on how great the threat to her partnership whereas a man is more likely to seek termination.
Women are more prone to gossip, eliciting support of their community while men refrain from making this indiscretion public.  They are more prone to handle it with violence.

Despite how each sex deals with infidelity, there is no double standard in how it is viewed by each sex. Studies also show that men are more likely to seek divorce if their mate is adulterous than a women would be (Shakleford 1998).

So, why do people cheat?  Lack of appreciation? Lack of communication?  Lack of excitement and spontaneity?  Or is it just for sex?  I imagine the answer to that depends on whom you poll.

Male vs Female Brain
We already assume that our brains are built differently but there is scientific proof that a man's "sexual pursuit" portion of the brain is two and a half times larger than a woman's.  Conversely, women have a larger empathetic portion of the brain.  Women pick up on emotional cues easier than men.

Another biological difference is that a man's brain is programmed to mate repetitively while a woman's brain is programmed to look for reliability and security in a mate before she has sex.  These studies were cited in Dr. Louann Brizendine's article "Love, sex and the male brain".

Regardless of why each sex may cheat, it seems as though the reaction to the cheating is the same.  There is no Double Standard when it comes to Adultery.

Now that we have wrapped up 'A' let's move on to 'B'.

'B' is for Body Image

I will never forget an article I ready from the man's point of view.  He stated that a woman with a "swimsuit model figure" who covers herself with a sheet after making love is not nearly as sexy as a slightly plump woman who walks in the buff with confidence.  So what is it with body image and the sexes?  Why are we all killing ourselves at the gym or spending ridiculous amounts of money having Botox done or more invasive procedures?

This is the age of plastic surgery!  Men are getting pec implants while others are getting breast reductions.  Women are having liposuction while others are having butt implants.  We are knocking ourselves out with hair plugs, cheek implants, breast augmentations, tummy tucks, the list goes on.

But does it really make us sexier?  Does it really make a difference to the opposite sex?
We want to hear from you.  Give us your comments and opinions.  Don't be shy!

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-500803_162-6173985-500803.html

B is for Body Image

The poll is closed and we have some very interesting responses. Not so black and white after all. Not all the “yes” that adultery is a deal breaker came from the women. Not all the “no’s”

 either. The majority said it depends. Some of the women polled said it depended if it was only for sex. That would not be a deal breaker. Others said it depended if children were involved. Some women stated that if the relationship was relatively new then “yes”, if it occurred within a seasoned relationship then “no”.

One man stated that once the trust is gone so is the relationship. He was the “cheatee” rather than the cheater. He said he tried to make it work, keep the family unit intact but he couldn’t get past the fact that the trust in the relationship was lost forever.  

Another man who answered "depends" said there are worse things that can happen than cheating on your spouse - forgive and move on.  However, he stated, if it involved deeper emotions he would walk away, not wanting to stand in the way.

50 Years ago a cross-cultural study was done and less than 39%

Why do people cheat?  Lack of appreciation?  Lack of communication?  Lack of excitement and spontaneity? Or it just for sex?  I imagine the answer to that depends on whom you poll just as the response to whether adultery is a deal breaker depends on whom you poll.

B is for Body Image

A is for Adultery

Venus/mars, seat up/seat down…do you ever wonder how it is possible that men and women think so differently? We are the same species but we see the world in such a different way. So maybe there is more to this. Maybe the opposite sex is not just trying to piss us off. Maybe we are just wired differently. For instance, could it be possible that men are just not wired to ask for directions? Could it be possible that women are simply wired to talk things out while men love to channel surf?
Welcome to Double Standard. Our mission is to unveil the secrets of the universe, the mysteries of the sexes.
We feel there are 2 sides to the story and sometimes it really is a double standard. For instance, a man is considered confident if he stands up for a cause yet a woman is seen as bitchy.
Join us as we explore the world of he says she says.

Let's jump right into it then.

Let's talk about adultery. We could talk about cheating, but let's face it adultery is more sultry. Whose idea was it to put the Scarlet Letter on a woman? Obviously a man. But after all these years is there no equivalent for a man. In 18th Century America, people were flogged or whipped publicly for acts of adultery. Women were almost always treated more severely than men. Today isn't much different. Women wear a symbolic A and are flogged with gossip as opposed to a rod. In European countries it is accepted, if not expected for a man to cheat.

These days, we are on a more equal playing field. Women are CEO's of companies, men are stay-at-home dads. So what about cheating?

Historically, a spurned spouse would benefit financially and custodially in the court system if a divorce resulted. Now with the no-fault divorce laws, there is no benefit at all.

Given this, is adultery a marriage deal breaker? What if you found your spouse was cheating? Would you suck it up or kick them to the curb? We want to hear from both of you - that means LADIES and MEN. Leave us a comment with your opinion and we will have the results in our next blog.